Free verse by Victoria Myers
I wrote this free verse years ago during one of the darkest seasons of my grief. At the time, I didn’t know if it was a poem or simply words that needed somewhere to land.
Today, I share it for anyone walking through their own valley, especially those who feel like God is silent.
I’ve heard it said:
The bravest thing I ever did
Was continuing my life
When I wanted to die.
I never thought I’d see that place,
Identify with that sentiment.
I never thought I’d know
That depth of pain.
I didn’t go out seeking it,
But it found me
That place you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy
The place where no hope
Or strength remains
Where you’re perplexed
Struck Down
Hard-pressed on every side
Critical
That place where I thought God had left me
I thought He was against me
That place where I wanted to curse Him
Then wait to die
That place where I thought
No hope remained
Yet in that place
Although I couldn’t hear Him
I couldn’t feel Him
And there was nothing but a “fog”
I knew God was still there
Somehow I knew
It’s hard to explain
It was a constant
A strength
A knowing
A foundation not blown away
By my ravaging waves of pain
Was it my faith?
Was it His love?
Or perhaps a beautiful combination of the two
He was there all along
In the silence
There was no getting rid of Him
No matter the station of my life
I understood He wouldn’t leave me
Even if I felt so betrayed
That I felt like leaving Him
I learned then
The “fog” wasn’t created by God
But was a “veil” created by my pain and anger
Working in unison
With the enemy of my soul
Yet I knew God was there
Waiting
Because that constant
Became hard to ignore
That strength grew louder in my heart
That knowing more clearly observed
That foundation more readily seen
I went from saying,
“I don’t want to live”
To “I’m scared to live”
Then one day
These words tumbled from my lips
“I feel like living today”
I learned God is my hope and restoration
Only with Him carrying me
Will I make it through this
The Valley of the Shadow of Death
This poem was written with Psalm 23:4 in mind.
If you’re walking through grief after loss, you may also find encouragement in my book God, You’re Fired: Reconstructing Your Life After Suicide Loss While Finding Healing, Hope And A New Perspective.