By Victoria Myers
There’s a quiet but damaging belief that creeps into many Christian circles—sometimes unspoken, sometimes insinuated, and sometimes even boldly declared:
If you’re close enough to God, bad things won’t happen to you.
Maybe people don’t say it exactly like that. But I’ve heard it in various forms:
- “I just pray these specific prayers every day over my kids, and I don’t have fear.”
- “If they’d had more faith, they would have overcome that.”
- “God has protected us because we’ve stayed faithful.”
- “If they had only been walking closer to the Lord this wouldn’t have happened to them”
Truth be told, I’ve probably assumed this myself at times—that faithfulness equals favor or that obedience shields us from suffering. We think our “good boy” or “good girl” status is what builds that hedge of protection around us. But we would be wrong.
The Truth About Suffering and Strength
Imagine a rescue swimmer—strong, steady, confident in the water. They’ve practiced, conditioned, and learned how to stay calm no matter how deep the water gets. No matter how hard the waves come crashing in on them.
But just because someone is a strong swimmer doesn’t mean they can’t drown.
Sadly, even rescue swimmers have been known to perish in the water. Not because they forgot how to swim, but because sometimes the water is just stronger than they are.
In the same way, just because someone is spiritually strong doesn’t mean they won’t suffer.
For those who are new here or haven’t read my book, our family lost our son to suicide nearly five years ago. And after losing our son, we were taken aback when people—some well-meaning, some possibly not—offered thoughts that implied his death must have been connected to distance from God. Maybe he wasn’t close enough…Maybe we weren’t…
But here’s what I definitively know and stand on:
Grace isn’t earned.(Ephesians 2:8-9)
Closeness to God isn’t a shield from suffering. (John 16:33)
God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34).
He qualifies us; we can’t qualify ourselves. (Colossians 1:9-14)
When someone says they don’t fear because they’ve prayed certain prayers, that’s not wrong—but it becomes spiritually dangerous when it crosses into the belief that their actions are the reason nothing bad has happened.
It’s a fine line between faith and superstition.
While faith requires action, more action doesn’t equate with more grace. If I have a “longer” Christian to-do list, it doesn’t mean I’m better, smarter, or closer to God than you. There is no special formula, only a special God that gives grace without merit. A smart God that outsmarted us in our works.
I imagine God made grace a free gift precisely because he knew we humans would turn it into a competition. And he made our connection to Him a relationship not a job that we can excel at or earn higher wages than our neighbor.
The truth is God is no respecter of persons and we are all under the curse and a target for Satan’s flaming arrows.
Grace Doesn’t Work Like That
The Bible is clear:
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)
If we can’t earn our salvation, why do we think we can earn immunity from heartache?
God doesn’t give out trials like punishments. He doesn’t withhold tragedy from those who pray “hard enough.”
Do people really think God only allows loss in the lives of people who aren’t spiritually strong enough?
Jesus Himself—perfect, sinless, and intimately connected to the Father—still suffered. And He told us we would too:
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
God Sees the Heart—Not the Performance
The beautiful truth of grace that offends our expectations—is that it isn’t about us.
It’s not about our routines, our faith level, our closeness to God, or even our good boy and girl check-off lists.
It’s about His love.
Romans 9:16 says:
“So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.”
That means:
- We don’t earn His grace.
- We don’t lose His grace.
- We don’t control His grace.
We simply receive it.
Closeness to God Isn’t a Formula—It’s a Lifeline
So you might be saying, “So does walking closely with God benefit us?” Of course.
“Does it anchor us in storms?” Absolutely.
And while it’s not a formula to avoid suffering, walking closely with God does give us the strength to endure it.
Don’t misinterpret me; I’m not discouraging closeness or intimacy with God by any means. The truth is, the closer we are to Him, the more we are able to trust Him and perceive His grace, but that still isn’t us earning the grace. That’s us relying on his grace to overcome.
For the Hurting: You Are Not to Blame
Friend, if you’ve experienced tragedy and someone has made you feel like it was your fault because you weren’t spiritual enough—hear me: That is not how God works.
God weeps with you. He walks with you. He holds your broken heart and does not ask, “Why didn’t you pray harder?”
He says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Remember, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
And “A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory.” (Matthew 12:20)
Whether you feel Him or not right now, He is near. Not because you did something right—but because He is always faithful.
If this post spoke to your heart, you might also like these related posts:
Can You Be a Believer and Still Grieve Like the World? —finding faith that makes room for sorrow.
Ignorance Isn’t Bliss: Why Talking About Suicide Matters—breaking silence, stigma, and shame.
If this encouraged you, I’d love for you to leave a comment or share it with someone who needs hope today.
Love it!
Thank you for the encouragement, Betty. I appreciate hearing your feedback.